There you are, standing in front of a glass wall. On the other side, you see your future self. She is happy. She is strong. She is confident. She has befriended her imperfections. She is no longer the prisoner of the perfectionism that used to weigh her down. She is no longer embarrassed about her flaws or shortcomings. She no longer goes the extra mile to hide them. She is no longer afraid of making mistakes. She is no longer her worst enemy. She made a promise to herself, to not let the pursuit of perfectionism keep her behind.
How do I know? Because I used to be there, standing behind the glass wall. And one day, I broke it down.
You see, perfectionism is sneaky.
At first, it introduces itself with fancy promises. Perfectionism says, “if you do everything perfectly, you will have the life you always wanted, you will feel worthy and enough. But first, get it all done, perfectly, all on your own.”
Perfectionism hides behind your dreams to make you follow all of its rules and protocol. It uses what you value and what you fear to keep you under its spell. Perfectionism will use values like family, connection, safety, and fears like rejection, failure, and disappointment against you. It promises you happiness, a feeling of worthiness, and a sense of belonging. But it is all a lie. Perfectionism never delivers on its promises. What instead comes next when you feel lost in your perfectionism is anxiety, burnout, exhaustion, and overwhelm. Ultimately, a loss of sense of self.
You have abandoned yourself. You no longer know who you are because you stopped listening to your inner voice. You don’t know what makes you happy and what you want out of life because you haven’t set your boundaries or asserted your needs. Perfectionism created a disconnection because you haven’t shown your authentic self to those around you.
When perfectionism says, “it’s not enough, you are not doing enough,” you doubt yourself. You no longer think you are a good enough mother, good enough wife, or good enough friend.
Are you ready to join me on the journey of becoming a recovering perfectionist and a good-enoughist?
The only one who can free you from the belief that you are not enough is YOU!
There is a course created just for YOU! It is for you to put yourself first and do something that will fill up your cup. It is time for you to come before others in your life because if you are not well, happy, and content, nothing and no one around you will be happy and well.
I am Dr. Menije, and there is one thing I know for sure, you want to...
- feel confident in yourself and your decisions
- be your best friend
- know that you are enough and worthy
- let go of worrisome thoughts
- break free from self-judgment and self-criticism
- show yourself the compassion, empathy, and kindness you show to others so freely and generously.
Perfectionism is something you can change.
It is something you can work on and find your way to come out on the other side.
Because you are worth it with all the imperfections.
Because you are lovable with all the imperfections.
Because you belong here with all the imperfections.
Because you matter with all the imperfections.
You can’t choose your imperfections, but you can learn to embrace them.
Course Curriculum for Breaking-Up With Perfectionism
Part 1: Basics of Perfectionism
In the first phase of this journey, we will start with the basics and identify your perfectionism’s origins and progression because you can’t change what you don’t understand.
Here is what you will learn:
- What is perfectionism?
- Where and how it shows up in your life?
- What is your why? Why am I going to break-up with perfectionism?
- How does perfectionism shape the way I think?
- How can I change my inner-dialogue?
- How can I create a new vision that embraces the whole me?
Part 2: Wellness
In the second phase of this journey, we will dive into our emotional wellness. By looking at the fears, anxiety, and doubt, you will learn how to create self-love, self-trust, acceptance, and confidence.
Here is what you will learn to repair your wellness:
- What are the underlying fears that feed into my perfectionism?
- How can I allow my values to guide my choices and not my fears?
- How can I challenge and change my perfectionist actions?
- How can I incorporate mindfulness into my wellness?
- What tools do I add to my toolbox to stand tall against Perfectionism?
Part 3: Bettering relationships when you let go of perfectionism
In the third phase of this journey, we will look at the relationship you have with yourself and others and how to let imperfections and authenticity flourish in your relationships. The relationship you have with yourself affects every other relationship you have.
The fact is, we are at risk of repeating what we don’t repair.
Here is what you will learn:
- What is the difference between healthy vs. unhealthy boundaries?
- Am I codependent?
- How can I communicate my needs firmly and openly?
- How can I create a support system that accepts me for who I am?
- What is my self-care routine
At the end of this journey, you will learn how to:
- Be your authentic self.
- Be vulnerable.
- Be curious, not perfect.
- L0ve who you are.
- Face your fears.
About Dr. Menije
I know it is cliche to say “been there, done it,” but believe me when I say I talked the talk and walked the walk. Like most of you, my relationship with perfectionism kickstarted in adolescence. It went unnoticed and often welcomed; after all, who would complain of having a teen who gets straight As and doesn’t cause much trouble. I didn’t realize how much my perfectionism would be amplified when I moved to the States two weeks before my 15th birthday. Many years spent fitting in, making friends, figuring out who I am, and being a translator for my parents, my plate just kept getting fuller and fuller. At the time, I was too young to say, “this is too much.” Instead, I said, “I can do it all; I must do it all.” From the outside, it seemed like I had it all together. Being in the states just for three years, I got accepted to UC San Diego. Four years later, I completed my Bachelor’s degree and got a job right away.
The thing about moving across continents in the middle of your adolescence is that you never feel like you catch up. It feels like you are in this marathon, and everybody else got a head start. Somehow you didn’t hear the whistle, and all you can do is keep trying to catch up. You always feel quite a bit behind, never have the equal footing. My perfectionism used this against me. It told me that if I ever want to catch up, I must do more, and I must do it well. I must be the perfect person for everyone everywhere. The untreated perfectionism got worse. It befriended anxiety, self-doubt, and insecurity.
Slowly, I started to get tired of the stories I was telling myself. I was getting tired of doubting myself, feeling anxious in social situations, and playing small. It was tiring to know in my heart that I deserved the love I gave to everyone else but failed to follow through. I started to discover that I have to love myself first. It is not my family’s or my friend’s job. Yes, they are there to support me, but it has to come from me.
I had my real awakening once I read the “Gifts of Imperfection” from one and only Dr. Brene Brown, the queen of all things vulnerability and acceptance. I realized there was a name to what I was suffering from. I was seeking perfectionism because deep down, I thought I wasn’t good enough. Since then, I have read many other books from incredible experts that shed light on my self-criticism and kept me company on my way to self-compassion and self-love. Let me tell you, perfectionism never completely goes away. There have been many new chapters in my life where it thought it could raise its head and be in control, like when I became a mom for the first time. Trying to be a perfect mom was tempting. So I learned that I always have to sharpen my tools and be one step ahead of my perfectionistic urges.
Now, I speak relentlessly on many platforms to share my personal story combined with my professional training to help women break-up with perfectionism. I know one can be a prisoner of their perfectionism. My hope for you is that you turn the judgment to compassion and ultimately live a life where you embrace imperfection rather than striving for perfection.
Frequently Asked Questions
When does the course start and finish?
The course starts now and never ends! It is a completely self-paced online course - you decide when you start and when you finish.
How long do I have access to the course?
After enrolling, you have unlimited access to this course for as long as you like - across all devices you own.
Why are there three parts?
I divided the journey into three sections for you because we are striving for progress, not perfection. You can take part in each chapter of this course one at a time to meet yourself where you are and be able to go at your own pace. Because each phase builds on the first one, I highly recommend that you go in the order. If you have worked on your perfectionism before and want to build on that, I recommend starting with part 2 or 3. If you feel ready to join me for the whole process, there is a bundle package available. See below for more pricing information.
How much does the course cost?
Each part of the course is a one-time fee of $200. If you wish to purchase a bundle that includes parts 1 through 3, the reduced price is a total of $500. Please be advised that there is no refund since you get access to all the material when you sign up.
What is included in the course?
Each part of the course includes 8 hours of recorded video sessions. The sessions are divided into modules to break the information up with activities. You will receive workbooks and writing assignments that will guide you to gain the deep insight and understanding you need for growth. You will be able to ask questions after each module that I will personally respond to. In addition, there will be additional recommendations such as books and TED talks that would complement the module lessons.
There are so many e-courses, why should I invest in this one?
I know this e-course is for you if you know that perfectionism is the core of your struggles and pain. If perfectionism has gotten in the way of you embracing yourself as you are, showing up authentically, and chasing your dreams, then join this course to break free from it. I am also proud to say that all information is based on the research and science of psychology. From Cognitive-Behavioral, dialectical therapy, Mindfulness, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, you will gain knowledge and information that will build a solid foundation. As a licensed psychologist, I share with you psychoeducation and interventions that I share with my clients in therapy.
How is this different than therapy?
Please be advised that this is not meant to replace or substitute therapy. You can use it in conjunction with your individual or couples' therapy or use it as an introduction to therapy. This course is a personal development class, one you might take in college or through a professional development course at work. NOTICE: If you need the support of a mental health professional at any point during this course, please seek out that assistance immediately. You may contact my office for assistance or referrals if you need immediate help.
What are the three words that would describe this course?
In-depth, empowering, and full of love.
Who is this course for?
This course is for the perfectionist who is ready to break-up with it. This course is the right fit for those struggling with anxiety, insecurity, self-doubt, and low self-esteem. The course will address relationship conflicts that resulted from poor boundaries and communication skills. Most importantly, the course is for those engaged with their personal development and are ready for guided self-exploration and genuine personal growth.
Can you guarantee success?
I can guarantee you that you will get knowledge and guidance. However, if you don’t do work outside of the course, I am afraid you will not see the changes that made you sign up for this course. A goal without an action plan is just a thought. You must practice what you learn in this course to find it successful and effective.
Who are you?
I am a licensed psychologist in private practice in Los Angeles, CA. I was born and raised in Istanbul, Turkey, and moved to Los Angeles with my family in 1998. I live with my hubby and our independent and adorable 3-year-old daughter.