In our Woodland Hills perfectionism therapy sessions, people are often surprised to learn that some of their consistent emotions and behaviors are linked to their perfectionism, because they don’t seem related. Lesser-known symptoms of perfectionism often go unnoticed because many people associate perfectionism with being organized, ambitious, or “Type A”. While perfectionists may appear driven and successful on the outside, the internal experience can be very different. Perfectionism is often fueled by fear of failure, criticism, or not being “good enough” — and it can show up in surprising ways.

What Is Perfectionism Really?

Many people think perfectionism simply means having high standards. But perfectionism is more about self-worth being tied to performance and an intense fear of making mistakes.

Signs perfectionism may be affecting your mental health:

• Harsh self-criticism when things don’t go perfectly.
• Avoiding tasks because you’re afraid you’ll fail.
• Difficulty relaxing or feeling satisfied with your accomplishments.
• Constant comparison to others.
• Feeling like nothing you do is ever “good enough”.

3 Lesser-Known Symptoms of Perfectionism

1 – Procrastination

Ironically, perfectionism often leads to procrastination. When the pressure to perform perfectly feels overwhelming, starting a task can feel impossible. Procrastination is a behavior that seems to exist in opposition to wanting a perfect outcome, and that, in fact, can be a contributing factor.

• You may delay projects because you’re afraid the result won’t meet your expectations. In the meanwhile, the knowledge that you will have to do the project eventually looms over you. This can lead to varying levels of anxiety, yet you may find that you still cannot make yourself begin.
• Tasks feel intimidating if you can’t guarantee a perfect outcome. The idea that there is no point in doing something unless it’s going to turn out perfectly is an example of the black-and-white thinking that often plagues perfectionists.
• You might wait until the last minute, hoping the pressure will push you to perform. Waiting until the last minute also provides you with a built-in excuse if the result doesn’t meet your standards; you “would have done better if you’d had more time”.

2 – Anger and Irritability

Those who see us for perfectionism therapy in Woodland Hills often find that their threshold for managing negative experiences or emotions is lower. This anger often comes from the stress of holding yourself—or others—to impossible standards. The constant pressure of trying to be perfect becomes an overload, creating strong emotional responses to even the smallest setback.

• Feeling irritated when things don’t go according to plan. This can be anything from a traffic delay, to forgetting to wash the top you wanted to wear to an event, to someone changing or canceling plans.
• Becoming overly critical of yourself or others. You may bully yourself for small errors, neglecting to accept that everyone makes mistakes. You might also find that you are tough on those who you don’t perceive to be doing their best; if you’re working so hard for success, why can’t they?
• Struggling with disappointment when expectations aren’t met. These can be your expectations of yourself, of an event, or of someone else. The disappointment and frustration of something not working out can feel more intense, and that feeling can last longer, when you are worn down under the weight of perfectionism.

3 – People Pleasing

People pleasing can seem innocuous enough; after all, how bad can it be to want to get along and be agreeable? However, over time, this behavior can not only take a toll on you and your wellbeing, but the wellbeing of your relationships. People pleasing can become a way to maintain the image of being “perfect” – at any cost. So what does people pleasing look like?

• Saying “yes” even when you’re overwhelmed. You may try to rationalize it in the moment, or pretend that you really do have time. You might recognize your limitations as you accept an invitation or take on a responsibility, but still feel compelled to agree.
• Feeling responsible for keeping everyone happy. For some reason, you take on the task of managing the emotions and wellbeing of those around you. You feel as though it is your job to accommodate, so that they can feel good, or experience less stress, or get their way. You may not be sure where this idea came from, but it just feels true to you.
• Avoiding conflict because you fear disappointing others. Instead of speaking up when something isn’t reflective of your wants or needs, you might swallow your own feelings. You may back down when engaging with others, even when they are in the wrong or misinformed about the situation at hand. This avoidance may go so far as to avoid certain people entirely so that you don’t set yourself up to disagree with them.

2 Tools to Loosen the Grip of Perfectionism

1 – Practice “Good Enough” Thinking

As a Perfectionism Counselor in Woodland Hills, I hear first hand how difficult of an idea it can be to consider things from a ‘lower standard’, and I also hear what an impact it can have on your wellbeing to do so. Challenge the belief that things must be perfect to have value.

• Ask yourself: “What would ‘good enough’ look like for this task?” At first, some people find it very difficult to picture what ‘good enough’ might look like. If you come across this obstacle, be curious. What is the bare minimum achievement that needs to happen? What would be the result if that was the most you could achieve at this time? If you find yourself going down a rabbit hole of imagined devastating scenarios, pause. Ask yourself how likely it is that the worst case scenario could happen.
• Ask yourself: “If someone else achieved this, would I approve of their work?” At times, perfectionism can show up as feeling let down by the standards to which others hold themselves, but it is largely a self-focused issue. It is likely that you are harder on yourself than you would be on someone else, someone you care about and respect. Practice considering if you would be hard on that person for the result in front of you. Challenge the idea that you are required to perform at a higher level than someone whose character and work you value. Question the notion that your value is more inherently linked to high achievements than theirs is.

2 – Practice Self-Compassion

Speak to yourself the way you would to a friend. Mistakes are part of being human, not evidence that you’re failing. It is essential to understand that you still deserve love and care, even if you make mistakes, or there are things about yourself that you aren’t particularly excited about.

• Get comfortable with all of who you are. It can be exhausting to try to live in denial about the intrinsic parts of who we are. There is great healing to be found in befriending your flaws. Try phrases of acceptance that are honest and kind, such as, “I struggle with this, and that is okay.” You may also say, “There is no such thing as perfection; I am doing the best I can at this time.” The work of ignoring or denying your whole self is de-stabilizing; when you know yourself well and know what you are navigating, you are able to recognize and build resilience. It is resilience that helps us at the end of the day – if something doesn’t go right, and even if the worst-case scenario comes true, resilience is how we are able to move forward afterward. This makes it easier and less intimidating to take steps without knowing that a “perfect” outcome is guaranteed.
• Acceptance doesn’t mean complacency. Sometimes, we fear that if we accept certain things about ourselves, that means we won’t ever improve upon them. The opposite is actually true. It is when you can be honest with yourself and kind to yourself that you are able to start making improvements, be they great or small. These kinds of changes might include behavioral changes, routine adjustments, or resisting habits and patterns that aren’t benefiting you. Self-acceptance gives you permission to try new things, and compassion makes that process more manageable. Through showing yourself care, you can address what you know to be true with a more open mind, bolstered and supported by a feeling of emotional safety.

Key Takeaways

• Perfectionism doesn’t always look like productivity—it can show up as procrastination, anger, or people pleasing.
• The pressure to be perfect often leads to stress, burnout, and self-criticism.
• Learning to accept “good enough” can help create healthier standards and more emotional balance.
• Attending in-person or Online Perfectionism Therapy can help you obtain and practice the skills and tools for managing the pressure of perfectionism.

How Therapy Can Help

Therapy can help you uncover the deeper roots of perfectionism, challenge unhelpful thought patterns, and develop healthier ways to measure success. With support, you can build self-worth that isn’t dependent on being perfect—and learn to approach life with more flexibility and compassion.

Therapy for Perfectionism in Woodland Hills 

In therapy for perfectionism, our goal is to get to know the real you—not the ideal you feel pressured to be by yourself, your family, or society. Together, we’ll explore your thoughts, emotions, and the fears that drive the need to be flawless, while also clarifying what truly matters for your well-being.

Through Therapy for Perfectionism, you’ll learn how to soften rigid standards, embrace imperfection, and build a more compassionate, balanced relationship with yourself and others.Contact us today for your complimentary 20-minute phone consultation with our Admin Team today!