As we enter a brand new year, starting 2026 with self-compassion can be the most radical and healing resolution you make. Many of us make the mistake of thinking that we have to be hard on ourselves in order to have the life we want, or achieve our goals. Unfortunately, this can be an idea that is instilled in us from a young age, and a hard habit to break. Instead of diving into January with self-blame, pressure to “fix” yourself, or comparison to others, what if you allowed room for grace, growth, and grounded momentum?

What does it mean to move forward without self-criticism?

Is your inner voice harsh, judgmental, or stuck in what didn’t go well last year? Many of us begin the new year hyper-focused on flaws, failures, or unmet goals. But constantly criticizing ourselves can actually drain motivation and reinforce negative emotional cycles. Self-compassion, on the other hand, invites you to treat yourself like you would a close friend—with empathy, patience, and understanding.

Common signs of self-critical thinking:

• You replay “failures” from the past year on repeat, but not your successes.
• You set unrealistic resolutions as punishment, not empowerment.
• You feel stuck in perfectionism or shame, even when you recognize the pain it is causing.
• You think self-kindness equals laziness, and don’t leave space for rest.

How to Start the Year with Self-Compassion

Here are some gentle, powerful tools to guide you into 2026 with kindness instead of criticism:

1. Practice “Both-And” Thinking

You can both want to improve and honor how far you’ve come. You can reflect on the hard things you navigated in 2025 without dismissing the effort it took. When you can acknowledge and accept the things that didn’t go the way you might have liked, as well as celebrate your achievements, you can honor all parts of your journey and set meaningful intentions.

• Consider your “intangible” accomplishments. Part of breaking the cycle of hard-and-fast “rules” about achievement is learning how to see achievements in different ways and according to different (or no) metrics. Try this: Write down 3 accomplishments from last year that weren’t tied to productivity—like emotional growth, boundary setting, or healing. You might not know how exactly to put something into words, and say something along the lines of, “I feel better about my relationship with x”, or, “I’m more comfortable with who I am”. These are immense measures of growth that often go overlooked because they’re often not considered, and when they are, they’re not quantifiable.
• Practice eliminating “but…” from your thoughts. For example, “I made a lot of progress in the home study course I’m taking, but not as much as I wanted to.” Some people say that anything you say before ‘but’ doesn’t count; adopt that mindset for yourself for a while, until you get some practice. If you find yourself about to counter positive acknowledgment about yourself, pause. Replace the word ‘but’ with ‘and’. The only time you can say ‘but’ is following a “negative” thought about yourself, for example, “I didn’t make the progress I thought I would make, but I did make progress, and that is great!”
• Get comfortable with the shades of gray. As an Anxiety Counselor in Woodland Hills, I see how a rejection of “both-and” thinking can come from a need to view things in black or white. It can help a person feel that they have a better handle on where they stand, and what lies before them. This kind of thinking is rigid, but it gives an idea of control that is comforting to those using perfectionism to combat their anxiety.

2. Name the Inner Critic

Give your inner critic a name or identity. When it pipes up, you’ll have an easier time recognizing that voice as one part of you, not the whole truth. Those who see us for Anxiety Therapy in Woodland Hills struggle to relinquish their hold on their inner critic, feeling that they will lose all motivation for self-improvement and goal-chasing without it. However, an inner critic is not a supportive entity when it comes to living your best life.

• Acknowledge and reject what your inner critic tries to tell you. Try this: When you hear negative self-talk, respond with: “Thank you for trying to protect me. But I’m choosing a kinder path.” The truth is that your inner critic comes from somewhere. It might remind you a lot of someone who had a hand in raising you. You may have spent your formative years being told the kinds of things your inner critic says. The fears that motivate your inner critic (failure, embarrassment, judgment) don’t have a place in supportive self-talk or in a productive self-care routine. You may think that the solution is to avoid the inner critic, but it is actually to confront what they say and choose not to let it impact you. Remember, your first thought is often how you were socialized, and your second often better reflects who you are. Your inner critic might reflect remnants of the messages you received growing up, as opposed to the person you are consciously becoming.
• Get as creative as you need to. Oftentimes, being kind to that critical part of yourself is a good way to help you understand where it comes from and have compassion for yourself. Accepting that that inner voice exists is a good starting point for trying to heal the pain that is attached to that negative self-talk. However, there are times when you are in a pinch and you might just want that voice to stop. When you find yourself facing that situation, imagine someone you would never listen to, never want to take advice from. Make sure you can picture their face and hear their voice. Now, imagine your inner critic is that person. Would you take them seriously? Or would you scoff at their words and keep moving?

3. Set Heart-Centered Intentions

Swap punishing resolutions for compassionate goals that align with your values—not shame. In our Woodland Hills Anxiety therapy sessions, we talk a lot about letting go of rigidity; that kind of detail can feel motivating, but it can actually be very limiting. Punishing resolutions take all the enjoyment out of the process, oftentimes leading to a hollow feeling, even when a goal is achieved.

• Aim for ideas and intentions. Setting a goal with very specific measurements is often a guess, at best. It doesn’t provide the steps you might need, and, furthermore, it’s often an attempt to address something else entirely. Someone may set a goal to go to the gym four times per week, for example, but find that they get what they need out of the goal by attending only three times. Being rigid in a goal might have that person over-training, or failing to see what their achievement (going to the gym consistently) really is. Try this: Instead of “I need to lose 20 pounds,” reframe it as “I want to feel strong and energized in my body.” In the process of pursuing better health, you may change your body composition, but not the number on the scale. You may learn new skills that make you feel confident and empowered, and suddenly your aesthetic means less to you. You may discover that you have more energy, and you’re able to try new things that you thought you needed to be in a smaller body to do, even if your body stays the same size.
• Consider the year as a whole. The problem with exacting goals is that they often require immense sacrifice, and then when the sacrifice “didn’t pay off”, or the moment of victory is short-lived, it can cause regret over how your time was spent. Do you want to look back over the year and think of all the social gatherings you missed, the days you started off disappointed by a number on a scale, or the times you were frustrated that what you were doing wasn’t “working”? How do you want to spend the majority of your life? That is the goal to pursue.

Key Takeaways

• Self-compassion fuels real growth more effectively than criticism ever can.
• You can reflect on 2025 with honesty and grace; you do not have to be unkind to yourself about missteps and mistakes in order to learn and grow from them.
• Shifting your mindset is more powerful than setting another unrealistic resolution.
• Consider attending in-person or online anxiety therapy to help you confront the worries and fears you are seeking to assuage through perfectionism, or what you fear will happen if you show yourself more compassion.

How Individual Therapy Can Help

Embracing You Therapy in Woodland Hills provides a safe space to explore your inner critic, shift patterns of self-blame, and build a more compassionate internal voice. Whether you’re carrying emotional baggage from the past year or struggling to find motivation, a therapist can help you develop the tools to move forward—gently.

Anxiety Therapy at Embracing You Therapy

Do you often feel overwhelmed by worry or stuck in a constant state of stress? Are you finding it difficult to balance work and personal life, adjust to major changes, or set healthy boundaries with others?

Through Anxiety Therapy in Woodland Hills, CA, you’ll learn evidence-based tools—including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness techniques—to help you regulate your emotions, reduce anxious thinking, and build healthier, more sustainable patterns in your daily life.

Contact us today for your complimentary 20-minute phone consultation with our Admin Team today!