ages of twenty to mid-thirties, you, my friend, are having a quarter-life crisis. It is like a mid-life crisis, but it happens earlier in your adult life. Because the mid-life crisis is more recognized, most people assume that it is more common, but it’s not. Young people are just as likely to experience a life crisis as their middle-aged counterparts. While the underlying emotions are similar, the major difference lies in how others perceive those struggling through the crisis. A midlife crisis is more widely accepted, while a quarter-life crisis is often brushed off or belittled.

looking forward to since middle school, such as living alone, they can also become daunting and challenging experiences. You may now be solely responsible for your living arrangements and finances. In addition, you are navigating relationships and making long-term personal and professional decisions. After years of adults telling you what to do and how to spend your time, you are now expected to make all your decisions for yourself. If you were lucky, you were raised by people who sought to build your self-confidence in making decisions and taking responsibility for your actions, but that doesn’t mean you are fully prepared to do it all for yourself all at once. Unfortunately, you probably feel like you should be ready, and the stakes feel too high for you to be patient and gentle with yourself about the learning process of being independent. Milestones like buying your first car or renting your first place are exciting but feel like big commitments. It has probably never occurred to you to figure out what to ask about a car or what to look for in an apartment. Post-secondary can also be a time of immense interpersonal changes, such as moving away from longtime friends and family or having your first real break-up.

life is getting more competitive and difficult. Having a college degree may feel mandatory rather than an accomplishment. I see this often in my practice, where I provide therapy for young adults in Los Angeles, CA. The ever-increasing narrative that a degree is the only route to success coupled with the higher and higher standards to get accepted for post-secondary education is like a pressure cooker on young minds that are still developing. This is exceptionally frustrating to generations whose upward mobility is directly opposite to that of their parents; Baby Boomers spent their working years in an economic boom, where wages kept up with living costs. Subsequent generations have been expected to achieve the same success but without any of the same advantages. With social media, there is more comparison than ever before, and you may be compared to your peers by your family members or friends.

life crisis is hard as it is, but you have been asked to overcome it during a global pandemic. According to the Federal Reserve Board, Gen-Zers and 25% of Millennials lost a job during this pandemic compared to 14% of Baby Boomers. This generation did not have the savings in reserve to support them during this time. Therefore, they are experiencing more stress than older adults.

…and give yourself a break. Instead of shaming or judging yourself as “selfish,” “weak,” or someone who is “missing a backbone,” stop and understand that there is a name to what you are going through. You are not the only person to struggle with this life transition, and you are doing it in a time of exceptional uncertainty and trauma. Remind yourself that your feelings are normal. Change is difficult and scary for everyone, and fear of the unknown future is overwhelming. In your twenties, you will feel pulled between “having fun and exploring your freedom while you are young” and “setting yourself up for the future.” You may want to have children later, so you want to travel now. But you may want to buy a house later, so you feel that you should be working now, while you are young and healthy. This conflict is occurring while the brain continues developing – literally. The prefrontal cortex, which controls impulses, isn’t done developing until age twenty-five. Of course, you are in crisis mode! Accept that you will have to explore your feelings and your situation as you go. In accepting the situation, find ways to provide yourself with care. However, that looks for you, lean into it. Practice affirmations for yourself, such as, “I have more time than I think I do,” or “I am still learning and growing, and that is okay.” Just because you are suddenly thrust into “the adult world” does not mean that you have to have all the answers. There is no way for you to have everything in your future mapped out. It is great to have goals, but they are to be worked towards with patience and grace.

It would be easy to say, “Don’t be afraid,” or, “Everything will be fine.” But the truth is that you may have a lot to be fearful of as a young adult: fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of making the wrong choices for yourself. Telling yourself to act like those fears don’t exist won’t really work long-term. Instead, first, acknowledge that fear is in the car with you; but you won’t let it be in the driver’s seat. Hopefully, it will be in the back seat, but some days it may be in the passenger seat right next to you, taking control over the radio station and playing out all your feared outcomes. In those situations, we are not helpless. We have our values to guide our way.

social media are showing more and more conversations about mental health, they are still not the first line of defense when you think about finding yourself. It is great to see therapy and therapeutic settings normalized and publicized more often, but that doesn’t mean that you get all the encouragement or support you need through this medium. Unfortunately, deep down, you might still think, therapy is for “others” who “have it worse than you” or who have more “legitimate” reasons, like grief or illnesses like Bipolar disorder. However, therapy is the right place to address life stressors and transitions that most happen during young adulthood, whether you speak with a therapist one-on-one, in a group setting, or both! There are support groups for anxiety that can help you reconnect with yourself and learn coping strategies to deal with your anxiety.