ADHD and emotional regulation are closely connected—but not always talked about enough. While many people think of ADHD as mainly about focus or hyperactivity, it often comes with strong emotional swings, impulsivity, and difficulty managing frustration. While coming up with a system to balance and organize your life’s demands is often at the forefront of managing ADHD, we would be remiss to neglect the benefits of practicing emotional regulation. Learning how to regulate emotions is a key part of thriving with ADHD—and it’s absolutely possible.

Why Is Emotional Regulation Hard for People with ADHD?

ADHD affects the brain’s executive functioning, which plays a big role in managing emotional responses. This means that individuals with ADHD might feel emotions more intensely, react more quickly, and struggle to cool down after becoming upset. Those who see us for ADHD therapy in Woodland Hills relay feeling angry, misunderstood, dismissed, frustrated, confused, and hopeless when it comes to the size and scope of their feelings.

Common Emotional Challenges in ADHD

• Impulsivity: Reacting quickly without thinking things through.
• Emotional Overwhelm: Feeling emotions so strongly they seem to take over.
• Difficulty calming down: Trouble “letting go” of anger, sadness, or anxiety.
• Frequent frustration: Feeling stuck or easily irritated by obstacles.
• Low frustration tolerance: Small issues can feel like major setbacks.
• Shame or guilt: Regretting reactions after the fact.

3 Tools to Build Emotional Regulation Skills

1 – Name the Emotion Before Reacting

When your emotions start to rise, ADHD can make them seem all-encompassing. It can almost feel as though they transcend articulation – but really, there is bound to be a word for how you are feeling. If you were an “emotional” child, you may have a long history of feeling misunderstood in your feelings. Even doing yourself the service of naming your current emotion is healing. It also gives you a starting place for beginning to work your way out of your current state.

• Get curious. Pause and ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now?” This may sound like an easy task to do when you are calm and regulated, but it can be more challenging when you are upset. You may have to ask yourself a few times in order to lock in on the question and begin to consider the real answer. Stay curious, ask yourself again and consider what the response that best aligns with your emotional state is.
• Keep at it until you have an answer. Labeling the emotion (anger, fear, sadness) can create a moment of distance between you and the impulse to act. For example, while your instinct may be to walk away from a situation because of your emotion, being able to be specific about why you are upset may instead lead to a realization of a different action you can take, as you recognize that walking away didn’t benefit you in the past. When you can identify what it is that has been triggered in you, you can relate it to past experiences and determine which response will actually support your needs and goals.
• Unpack the emotion. The more specific you can be, the easier it becomes to manage the feeling instead of being ruled by it. Once you know how you’re feeling, you can ask yourself why you feel that way. You may discover that the event that preceded your emotions is a trigger for something else; it may be something you have confronted and are able to look at with a more distant perspective. Or you may actually identify what the issue is and recognize that there is work to be done on healing and adapting your behavioral response to situations that revive that memory. Either way, you either have a practiced response to implement, or a starting point from which to begin doing some work and self-care.

2 – Practice Mindful Breathing

As an ADHD counselor in Woodland Hills, I know the benefits of maintaining a regular calming practice. Mindful breathing is a great tool, as you can utilize it any time or place without needing any special equipment.

• Connecting to your breathing connects you to yourself. Mindfulness helps anchor you to the present instead of getting swept up by the emotional storm. Too often, when we are disrupted, we begin to ruminate on the past and/or catastrophize about the future. Thoughts like, “This always happens to me,” or, “I’ll never get out of this pattern” can increase our anxiety. Conversely, connecting to your breath can help you ground yourself in the present, therefore removing thoughts about a past you can’t change and a future you can’t control.
• Have a consistent practice. Using breathing to regulate your nervous system is something you can do any time, whether you feel a little dis-regulated or very much so. Try a simple exercise: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 6 counts. These counts are the goal; if your breathing is faster because you are anxious, you may not be able to do 4, 4, and 6 right away. Keep repeating until you can. The focus on being able to inhale for 4, hold for 4, and exhale for 6 is part of helping you to calm yourself.
• Let the practice work. Just a few rounds can lower emotional intensity and bring a sense of calm. Think about your counts and feeling the air move into your body. Focus on your rib cage expanding and breathing down low into your torso; let your stomach relax as you inhale. Don’t count the number of rounds as they pass and make mental notes and judgments about how long it’s taking you to feel calm.

3 – Build an Emotional “Rescue Plan”

Knowing that you have strategies in place for when your emotions are running high can offer you comfort, and take the guesswork out of managing how you’re feeling in real time. Often, we are overtaken by our emotional state when we are overwhelmed, and then frustrated at all the ideas we are able to come up with once we feel calm and regulated again.

• Have your information ready. Create a list of go-to strategies for when emotions run high: stepping outside, journaling, squeezing a stress ball, texting a friend. Practice reaching for your toolkit before your emotions overwhelm you. If in the past you would have tried to regulate your emotions once they reached an 8 out of 10, try a strategy sooner, for example when you first notice some tension. If you catch your distress at a 3 out of 10, your toolkit will be easier to employ. It’s not always possible to stop what you’re doing or what is happening early on, but the more often you are able to intervene before your emotional regulation is maxed out, the more you will build the habit of using a strategy and the easier it will be to reach for one when you are disrupted.
• Help yourself out. Post the list somewhere visible so you don’t have to rely on memory when you’re overwhelmed. You might keep a note in your phone, or keep a sticky note on your bathroom mirror. In the case that you can’t seem to think of anything but trying to get your breathing under control, being able to read a list of options and pick one will help you take action.
• Remember why you use the tools you use. Having a plan helps you act intentionally, not impulsively. In our Woodland Hills ADHD therapy sessions, we hear back from people who have built their confidence and reduced their anxiety through the regular practice of using their plan and making a positive choice. It can be tempting to try to “wing it”; you may grow fatigued of your rescue plan and resent needing one at all. Remember that you are showing yourself care and self-respect by being aware of your needs and committing to them.

Key Takeaways

• Emotions can run high with ADHD, and in fact, strong emotions may have been your earliest ADHD symptom.
• You can improve your management of ADHD through in-person or online ADHD therapy and consistent at-home practice.
• Finding tricks to pause your thoughts and focus on the issue at hand will help you to manage your emotions, as well as choose behaviors that are in line with your needs and goals.
• A regular relaxation and/or meditation practice can help to raise your emotional regulation overall, contributing to a less jarring recovery when your emotions peak.
• Revisiting your rescue plan from time to time is part of ongoing management of ADHD. As you change and evolve, your needs and toolkit may evolve as well.
• Recruiting the people around you to help you out is resourceful. Sure, they can’t name your emotions for you, but they can hear you out when you’re trying to find the right words. They can breathe with you when you’re connecting to your breath, and they can be part of your rescue plan.

ADHD Treatment at Embracing You Therapy

When left unmanaged, ADHD symptoms can significantly impact various areas of adult life, including work performance and personal relationships. At our Woodland Hills office, we offer ADHD treatment tailored to the unique ways your brain functions. Together, we’ll identify your specific challenges and develop practical, actionable strategies that fit seamlessly into your daily life. 

Contact us today for your complimentary 20-minute phone consultation with our Admin Team today!