3 Ways to Cope with Holiday Stress and Anxiety
In theory, lots of people look forward to the end of the year, or “the holiday season” every year. Whether you enjoy the lights, the music, the markets, the religious events, or even just a break from/easing up on work (if you get one), people from all walks of life tend to find something worth enjoying in the time when the year is coming to a close. However, despite all our best intentions to enjoy the holiday season, to be present at the moment and set worries aside, and to make the most of what we have instead of struggling with a desire, the holidays can include disappointment and negative emotions. For many, the reality of the holidays can bring a whirlwind of stress and anxiety. Whether it’s the pressure to create the perfect holiday experience, the emotional weight of family dynamics, or the financial strain of gift-giving, these stressors can leave us feeling overwhelmed rather than uplifted.
Signs of Holiday Stress
Holiday stress is more common than you might think. With long to-do lists, endless social obligations, and expectations to feel “merry” all the time, the season can feel less like a celebration and more like a chore. A lot of it has been normalized; some people don’t even really notice how stressed they are until the stress subsides, or a meltdown or blow-up occurs, or until they can’t sleep at night. It’s important to be connected with yourself during the holiday season so that you can stay on the lookout for signs and symptoms of anxiety.
Some people experience added anxiety from memories of lost loved ones or unresolved family tensions that resurface when everyone comes together. Even joyful traditions can come with stress if we feel obligated to make everything perfect or struggle to meet the demands of hosting or traveling. Recognizing these stressors helps us to be more compassionate toward ourselves, and it opens the door to finding ways to manage these overwhelming feelings.
3 Ways to Cope with Holiday Stress and Anxiety
- Set Boundaries and Prioritize Self-Care:
One of the most powerful ways to manage holiday stress is by setting clear boundaries. You don’t have to say yes to every invitation or meet everyone’s expectations. When you consider the expectations you feel compelled to meet, don’t forget to evaluate your own. Sometimes, we can be the worst offenders when it comes to crossing boundaries because we are the first to set them aside when we are faced with a decision. In order to set your boundaries, you first have to know them. Take some time to map out where you have mandatory events, such as work, a year-end showcase, or any other schedule item that wasn’t determined by you/your family. Next, consider the things you need to get done, and where those windows of opportunity are. Don’t forget that time to relax and time to unwind are also necessary; set boundaries with yourself about how many evenings per week you’ll be out of the house, how many late nights you’ll have, how many shifts you’ll agree to work volunteering, how many cookies you’ll bake, and so on.
When we try to rank our priorities and the things that are necessary, we can soon find ourselves with lists where everything seems equally as important for various reasons. This can lead to calendars with multiple commitments on each day and no space for anything else. Consider what commitments are most meaningful to you, and politely decline others if they feel like too much. You will know, nine times out of ten, which commitments mean the most. The boundary comes with honoring that gut check and saying “no”. If you’re talking yourself into doing it, and it’s going to overwhelm you, it’s likely not the right choice.
Prioritizing self-care means taking the time to do things that nourish you, even during the hustle of the holidays. Whether it’s scheduling a quiet night at home, taking a long walk, or simply giving yourself permission to relax, taking care of your needs is essential. Too often, we tell ourselves that there is no space for rest, no time for self-focused habits and plans. When we do this, we not only run the risk of burning ourselves out, but we behave as though the holiday season is for everyone except ourselves to enjoy.
When you sacrifice your own happiness and your own recuperation time, you put yourself last. Do you truly believe that the people in your life want you to put yourself at the bottom of the list? Do you think that you will have patience and joy to spare with them when you’re running on empty? No one is served by any one person making all the sacrifices, and that includes you. Finding balance is how to experience the things you want to experience throughout the season with the energy and presence of mind to get the most out of them!
Ideally, you have a self-care routine, or some idea of the things you need in order to feel focused, happy, and energized. The basics include rest, hydration, eating enough, and some sort of movement that works for us depending on our abilities and enjoyment. These things support our physical and mental health; we cannot skip over them and expect to still feel good in our bodies and minds. Your routine may also involve quality time with certain loved ones, participating in hobbies and/or athletics, consuming arts and culture, having regular date nights with your partner, time spent away from screens, and meditation and/or journaling in order to stay in touch with your emotional needs. Make time for these things, even if you do them less frequently, or for shorter durations. You are deserving of care year-round.
- Manage Expectations and Embrace Imperfection:
The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Try to let go of unrealistic expectations—like having a perfectly decorated home or the most thoughtful gifts for everyone on your list. Embrace the idea that imperfection can create more authentic and enjoyable experiences, and free up space and time for you to enjoy yourself, too.
Manage your expectations about the holiday season by looking back on past holidays. This isn’t a time of rumination and self-flagellation, but if there is something you regret not accomplishing over years past and you’re determined to make it happen this year, manage expectations by knowing that a) other things will likely go by the wayside in your endeavor, and b) it still might not turn out the way you wanted it to. Balance the pressure of pursuing goals by remembering holidays where everyone laughed together about something that went wrong; or where nothing specific happened, but you got to spend lots of quality time with loved ones, and that’s what stuck with you. If every other holiday season has had its ups and downs, and you look back on them with fondness, then why expect to deliver something else this year?
Consider your favorite people and your happiest memories. Are they perfect? Of course, they aren’t. Nothing on this earth is perfect or has to be in order to be of value. You can have the most special day because you’re spending time with a loved one, even if you don’t get up too much. Affirm your mindset with affirmations like, “I don’t require perfection in order to experience joy”, and, “I can be gentle with myself and others and still have a great holiday season.”
Remember that the people who care about you value your presence more than a perfectly executed holiday plan. Remind yourself that being present, rather than perfect, will likely make your holiday moments richer. Too often, we spend time trying to curate moments that will never live up to what we imagine, and come at the cost of connecting with the people we love.
The ability to embrace imperfection doesn’t come all at once. In our culture, especially, it can feel like everything and everyone around us is perfect, and anything less than that isn’t worth seeing, experiencing, or sharing. In our Woodland Hills Anxiety therapy sessions, our clients participate in behavioral therapy to explore their feelings around perfectionism, their fears about worst-case scenarios, and the thoughts and behavior patterns that have them feeling stuck. In-person or online anxiety therapy can involve Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that includes Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) and other methods that identify your fears and their triggers, and help you to react to them in a productive way. In order to embrace imperfection, you first must accept that it is inevitable, and then learn to prove to yourself that you can survive any mishaps that occur.
Part of managing expectations is releasing the idea of being able to control other people. When you have established boundaries surrounding acceptable behavior and you follow through, that is the extent of your control. Other than that, if you have a teen who doesn’t like to dress up like an elf anymore, or your uncle is happy to show up to family dinners, but he’s not very chatty, let them be. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment by telling yourself that this is the year they behave differently than they usually do. Acceptance of others and recognition of their differences is a great way to manage your expectations of how a gathering might look.
- Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude:
During the holiday season, practicing mindfulness can ground you and help you stay in the present moment. The people who see us for anxiety therapy in Woodland Hills have found that they benefit from mindfulness practice. If you aren’t sure what works best for you, try to connect with your body by focusing on your breathing, using your senses, and/or tapping into resources like guided meditations.
Revisit your mindfulness habits consistently in order to reduce overall stress, and also when you are experiencing an uptick in anxiety. When you feel overwhelmed, pause to take deep breaths, or engage in a short meditation. Focusing on the simple pleasures around you, like the scent of holiday cookies or the sound of loved ones laughing, can shift your mindset and reduce anxiety. Practicing gratitude also helps reframe stressful situations by highlighting what is meaningful to you. Each day, write down a few things you are grateful for, no matter how small, to cultivate a sense of appreciation and contentment.
Part of being mindful is actually taking the time to feel sadness, anger, and other negative emotions when they arise. It is self-care to accept your emotions and move through them, rather than suppressing them in an attempt to be cheerful. No matter what the season, there is space for you to feel how you feel. Through mindfulness, you can experience sadness without it getting away from you. You can be angry, confront that emotion, and move forward. Honoring how you really feel means being open to discovering unpleasant emotions as well as happy ones. Because it is the time of year that makes us want to be with our loved ones, situations that prevent that are bound to stir up sadness, regret, and more. Affirm how you feel and support yourself as best you can when these feelings come up, rather than trying to bury those feelings. Give them their due. It is through understanding our pain that we learn to value and prioritize what gives us joy.
Gratitude practice might be something you do year-round. You may find that you lean on it more heavily at this time of year when you are encountering scenarios that you feel signify a lack. You might worry that you don’t have enough time, you don’t have the financial resources, or you don’t have the skills to pull off something you’d like to be able to make happen for your family. When you encounter and accept these feelings, turning to gratitude for what you can do, and what you are capable of, can help. When you are missing a loved one, it can remind you to value those who are with you all the more. This isn’t a flawless process, and it can’t be perfectly balanced. What you can do is enjoy memories in real time; knowing that, for one reason or another, this time will end, you can open your heart to being fully present and fully grateful for the moments that make the holiday season special.
We know that the higher the stakes, the higher the stress. The holiday season can feel like a series of high-stakes events and endeavors, as you try to finish the year on a good note and make everyone’s wishes come true. The desire to ignore the pressures of this time and be able to enjoy the holiday season is something I hear about as an anxiety counselor in Woodland Hills. Set aside the battle of how much you’re doing, take space to relax, respect your own boundaries, be present with your loved ones, and give yourself permission to have ordinary days! There is enough room for both rest and magic in your holiday season.
Anxiety Therapy at Embracing You Therapy
Do you often find yourself overwhelmed by worry and stress? Are you struggling to balance work and life, navigate transitions, or establish healthy boundaries with others?
Through Anxiety Therapy in Woodland Hills, CA, you’ll gain valuable tools such as CBT and mindfulness techniques to better manage your emotions and develop healthy thought patterns and behaviors that support your well-being. Contact us today for your complimentary 20-minute phone consultation with our Admin Team today!
