Building confidence as a teenager can feel incredibly difficult—especially in a world filled with social media pressures, academic stress, and ever-changing identities. Many teens silently battle self-doubt, comparing themselves to others and questioning if they’re “good enough.” But confidence isn’t about being perfect—it’s about learning to accept and trust who you are. As a teen counselor in Woodland Hills, I know that teens from across the board struggle with building their confidence. There are two important things to learn about confidence: one, that anyone can develop it over time; and two, that there are tools to help you do so.

Why Are So Many Teens Struggling with Confidence?

Adolescence is a time of growth, change, and exploration—and with that often comes insecurity. Between peer pressure, appearance concerns, and fear of judgment, it’s no wonder many teens feel unsure of themselves. While being a teenager has always been a time of uncertainty, exploration, and self-assessment that can lead to insecurity, teens today see more of other peoples’ lives than ever before. This can lead to comparison, which is truly the thief of joy when you are trying to find yourself. The ability to put yourself out there, but the lack of control about how others interact with what you choose to share, can be stressful and lead to situations that decrease confidence.

Signs of Low Confidence in Teens

Because everyone is different, how these signs show up can vary. Some people may experience all symptoms, but not all the time. Others may only really show one or two signs, but they show up strongly and persistently.

• Negative self-talk (“I’m not good enough,” “I always mess up”).
• Avoiding challenges or social situations.
• Over-apologizing or seeking constant reassurance from those around them.
• Comparing themselves to others online or people they know in real life.
• Difficulty expressing opinions or setting boundaries.
• Fear of failure or embarrassment.

It can be tempting to dismiss some of these concerns and pressure a teen to “just go for it”, or to “let it go”. It is important to remember that adolescence is an uncertain time, with huge learning curves that increase social and emotional pressure.

3 Empowering Tips to Build Confidence

1 – Celebrate Small Wins

There is literally no way to get through a day without at least one small win. When we are down on ourselves, it is easy to see the things we accomplish as “meaningless”, or a bare minimum that isn’t worthy of noting. But that is not the case; especially when you are struggling mentally, getting out of bed can be a small win, preparing and eating a meal can be a small win, committing to self care can be a small win.

• Confidence grows when we recognize progress, not just perfection. Setting small goals, as well as breaking larger goals down into smaller parts, can help us to achieve a sense of accomplishment that bolsters us. It feels far more rewarding to make your way through a series of wins, improvements, or learning opportunities than it does to be working and working and waiting for the final outcome.
• Pay attention to what you are achieving! Encourage yourself to acknowledge small accomplishments—like speaking up in class, trying something new, or simply getting through a tough day. You might acknowledge these victories with something as simple as pausing to think about what you accomplished for a few moments, or you might choose to celebrate in some way, such as a trip to the movies with a friend, or asking your parent for your favorite meal for dinner.
• Record your successes. Write down your wins in a journal to track your growth over time. This habit will foster ongoing gratitude for who you are and what you are able to do, and is a great way to be mindful in acknowledging what you have achieved. It also serves as a great record of past wins for the times when you need a boost. Flipping through pages of accomplishments can help you to see how capable you truly are.

2 – Limit the Comparison Trap

Comparing yourself to other people – especially people with whom you have a parasocial relationship – can wreak havoc on your self-esteem. We hear from teens in our Woodland Hills teen therapy sessions that they feel they can’t keep up to the lifestyles, beauty standards, and achievements modeled by the people they follow online or see in their daily lives.

• Be aware of how hard some people work to curate their image. Social media shows only the highlight reel—not real life. You don’t go home with the “popular kids” at school and see them in their private moments. Someone you think you have an understanding of may have a whole other situation happening. If you’re looking at something from the outside and thinking it seems too good to be true, it likely is.
• Take charge of what you are seeing where you can. Unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel “less than,” and follow people who inspire you in healthy, authentic ways. You can’t control what others post, so all you can do is control what you’re seeking out. The great thing about social media is that you can mute, unfollow, and block content that doesn’t serve you.
• Remember: Your journey is yours. Whatever your set of circumstances is, it is your individual situation and you alone know what that means. Focus on your strengths and goals. There will always be someone who is better at something than you are, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not good at it. There will always be someone who has different priorities than you do, and different definitions of success than you do. When you focus on making your own progress and meeting your own goals, you eliminate distractions – especially distractions that you can do nothing about, as you’re not in charge of anyone but yourself.

3 – Practice Positive Self-Talk

The idea that bullying anyone into feeling happier and stronger has long been dispelled. This includes when we bully ourselves. Telling yourself that you’re a failure, that you’ll never achieve x or y, that you don’t deserve your dreams, none of this creates a positive mental environment. The way we speak to ourselves matters. It’s not about being delulu, but it’s also not about being your own worst enemy.

• Notice your inner critic and challenge it with kinder words. Rewriting certain narratives is a task we set out for those who attend our practice for teen therapy in Woodland Hills. Take note of your inner critic; who does it sound like, when did it first start speaking to you this way? If you feel that your inner critic sounds like someone who played a part in raising or caring for you, there will be work to be done to unpack how those messages impacted you and how to move forward leaving that chapter behind.
• Be honest with yourself. Being positive isn’t about telling yourself you’re absolutely crushing something that you know you’re struggling with. It’s about encouraging yourself in the hard times. If you know you’re having a hard time, pretending you’re not doesn’t honor how you feel or where you’re at. At the same time, leaning in to your struggle can get you trapped in a cycle of defeat. Try saying: “I’m learning every day,” or “I may not feel confident now, but I’m working on it.”
• Affirmations work when they’re realistic — start with what feels true and build from there. “I have a million dollars” may sound like a fun thing to tell yourself, but if it’s not true (yet), then it’s not very helpful to say it. A realistic affirmation is about noticing the steps you are taking toward your goals, the skills you are developing in order to better yourself, the abilities you already possess.

Key Takeaways

• Confidence comes from self-awareness and self-acceptance.
• Confidence is not about thinking you’re infallible, or better than others, but about knowing you have the ability to bounce back after setbacks, and stay true to who you are.
• Sometimes, it takes practice to come into our own. It is possible to build the skills and tools to grow and maintain confidence through in-person or online teen therapy
• You may need to set and stick to certain boundaries in order to feel your best mentally and physically. Interacting with people or with media that bring you down can take a toll on your self-esteem and deplete your confidence.
• Taking care of yourself not only sets you up to be as successful as you can, but regular practice reaffirms the knowledge that you are deserving of care.
• Even the most confident people have tough days, experience setbacks, and make mistakes.
• Teenagers who struggle with confidence can worry that their situation is permanent. In actuality, you will continue to learn about yourself and grow and change through time. Your self-perception and confidence in yourself will adapt as you do.

Teen Therapy in Woodland Hills, CA

At Embracing You Therapy in Woodland Hills, CA, our Teen Therapy services go beyond traditional talk therapy — we focus on building real-life skills. Our clinicians work collaboratively with both you and your teen to not only address challenges but also recognize and strengthen their unique abilities. Our goal is to help teens enhance their quality of life and thrive throughout their adolescent years.

Contact us today for your complimentary 20-minute phone consultation with our Admin Team today!