Adjusting to parenthood can be one of the most rewarding—and overwhelming—transitions a couple goes through. The joy of welcoming a new baby often comes hand-in-hand with sleepless nights, shifting roles, and emotional ups and downs. As a couples counselor in Woodland Hills, I see many parents struggle to find balance in their partnership. Learning to navigate this new chapter together is key to strengthening your bond as partners and as parents.

What Makes the Transition to Parenthood So Challenging?

Becoming a parent changes nearly every aspect of your life—your routine, relationship, identity, and priorities. Many couples feel unprepared for the emotional and practical demands of caring for a newborn, which can lead to tension, isolation, and even disconnection from each other.

Common Emotional and Practical Adjustments

• Sleep deprivation and exhaustion.
• Shifts in identity (“Who am I now that I am a parent? How do I show up as a parent?”).
• Less time for intimacy in the relationship.
• Increased stress and decision fatigue.
• Differences in parenting styles or expectations.
• Feeling overwhelmed by responsibility.
• Moments of deep joy, connection, and love.

3 Tips for Balancing the Challenges with Connection and Joy

1 – Communicate with Openness (and Patience)

For many of us, the instinct is to pull away when we are struggling. Whether we feel hurt that the other person doesn’t innately know what to do, whether we aren’t sure how to articulate what we feel, or whether we are worried that we will lose our temper and make the situation worse, we clam up.

• Share what you’re feeling—even if it’s messy or uncertain. There is no perfect way to express yourself, the best you can do is approach what you say from a place of wanting to respectfully communicate how you feel. You may benefit from seeing a mental health professional, who can guide conversations and provide communications tips and tools. One of the great things about modern technology is being able to attend online couples therapy from home, making it easier to work around parenting.
• Use “I” statements like “I’m feeling overwhelmed today” instead of blaming or bottling things up. When you take responsibility for your feelings and express them, you provide your partner with insight into what is going wrong without making an accusation. This is an invitation to come closer and to understand, rather than a statement that can create distance. Think of expressing your feelings as providing your half of a team project. The project is how the two of you can work together for a happy and healthy home. When you bring helpful information about yourself to the table, and your partner does the same, then you can collaborate to make routines, habits, patterns, and choices work better for each of you.
• Make space for each other to vent, problem-solve, and feel heard without judgment. Those who see us for couples therapy in Woodland Hills often share that the best way their partner can support them is by being a safe space to feel all their feelings. There are always things that have no real solution (the baby isn’t sleeping well) that you can’t do anything but vent about. There are always things (we need a schedule that helps us balance our relationship, our lives outside of the home, and parenting) that require problem-solving. And there are always scary thoughts, embarrassing mistakes, frustrating struggles, that we want to be able to share so that we aren’t ruminating on them by ourselves.

2 – Make Time for Micro-Moments of Connection

It can be very easy for parents to get caught up in the new routine and meeting your baby’s needs and feel as though it’s impossible to connect. Sometimes, there is a sense that there is no way to achieve the same level as before, so there is no point in trying. Because the decrease in intimacy can have a negative impact on your relationship, it is important to prioritize doing what you can with the time and resources you have.

• Small efforts can make a big difference. Don’t abandon all intimacy just because you can’t do all the things you usually do to nurture your connection. Big date nights might be on hold, but even small gestures can help: a 10-minute cuddle, a kind word, or a shared laugh. You may even find that you adopt some of these habits once your schedule opens up a little more, as consistent affection can nurture relationships more than stand-alone events.
• Touch base with one another. Try a nightly check-in: “What was a hard moment today? What was a joyful one?” The two of you are on a journey together that is your own as a couple and as individuals. Each of you can’t be there for every minute of parenting, so sharing your highs and lows not only allows you to both to feel like you’re up to date on how your child is doing, but also how your partner is doing and what they are contending with. Sharing and hearing about each other’s happiness can be overlooked when you are overwhelmed, but it is one of the best ways to connect.
• Stay focused on why connection is important. These moments remind you you’re still a team. They remind you that you have set out on your parenting endeavor together for a reason. When you are given the choice between paying a compliment or keeping that thought to yourself, you may have a moment where you wonder if it will even matter. Consider your values, and how important your partner is to you. A small investment a day can add up over time. There will be a life together that changes as your child grows – what do you want to have built your relationship upon?

3 – Let Go of the “Perfect Parent” Ideal

The concept of perfection is something we hear a lot about in our Woodland Hills Couples therapy sessions. Regardless of how aware you may be that being a “perfect parent” (or a perfect anything) is literally impossible, you might find that the stakes feel too high for you to convince yourself of that when you are actively parenting.

• Focus on being present, not perfect. You can completely lose yourself trying to follow all the “best” advice – especially because everyone has different priorities. Chasing ideals is a distraction, and disconnects you from listening to your own intuition and determining what works best for your lifestyle and values. Being a parent is already high-pressure, and like everything else in life, impossible to do without making mistakes and encountering accidents. There are enough obstacles to feeling dialed in – between sleep deprivation, feeding schedules, and chores, life can begin to feel like groundhog day. If you’re not conscientious about paying attention, it’s easy to miss the little moments.
• It’s okay to not have it all figured out. Your baby doesn’t need perfect parents—they need attuned, loving ones. They need parents who are okay with learning as they go, because that mindset is much more conducive to being resilient and observant. If you are trying to ensure that you are doing everything “by the book”, you will miss the stuff that nobody could have ever written down for you. It is the time spent trying different tactics and being creative that helps you connect with who your baby is becoming, as well as growing your confidence.
• Give yourself (and your partner) permission to learn as you go. It is not possible to have all the answers. Conventional wisdom changes over time, parenting resources rise and fall in popularity, and each baby is unique! Sure, there are some standard tools and tricks. But this is also a time of getting to know your child’s little quirks and tells. It is also a time when you might try something that everyone you know swears by, and it just doesn’t work for your kid.

Key Takeaways

• Parenting feels deeply personal to each and every parent, and it is! But it is also an experience about which many parents can relate to one another and offer support. You are not in the struggle alone, nor the joy!
• Working together as a team with your spouse can feel challenging at times, but overcoming that challenge can bring you closer than ever.
• Communication is the lynchpin of parenting in a relationship. Whether you are passing along information about appointments, or talking each other through exhaustion, or connecting with one another to soak in the joy, you have to be able to communicate.
• Give yourself a break and cut yourself some slack. If you love your baby and your baby is safe, fed, and in reasonable comfort most of the time, you’re doing a great job!
• Nurture your relationship outside of parenting when and where you can; don’t expect to do the same things you did when you were child free, but don’t let the connection fall completely by the wayside, either.

Couples Therapy In Woodland Hills

By the time you and your partner decide to seek marriage counseling, you may be feeling discouraged, overwhelmed, or uncertain about the future of your relationship. Unresolved conflicts, trust issues, or emotional distance can take a toll over time. At our Couples Therapy practice in Woodland Hills, CA, our Gottman-trained therapists help you identify both the strengths and the challenges in your relationship. Together, you’ll build skills to foster emotional openness, vulnerability, and greater connection. 

Contact us today for your complimentary 20-minute phone consultation with our Admin Team today!